I met a beautiful girl last week. She is 24. I was afraid to meet her. But I wanted to help her however I could. The days leading up to meeting her I felt nervous. Why, you are asking? Because she was diagnosed with the same thing as Lance two months ago. She is in the middle of chemo and radiation and I was afraid of the emotions it was going to bring up. Memories I want to put in the past, rather than relive. You see, I like the fact that the people I am in touch with are anywhere from 5 to 20 years out. That comforts me. But to be in the presence of someone who is just a few months behind us scares me. However, it was she who ended up helping me.
How we got connected to this girl is how the universe works. It was no mistake. It was meant to be. I wanted to share whatever knowledge I could give her. We are ahead of her in this game. I researched like crazy. I have the food thing down. I wanted to suggest some alternative things. I have all the latest research. I wanted to help this girl who I just assumed was alone. I knew her family lived in another state. However, when I opened the door and saw this beautiful girl, petite little being, with the most amazing eyes, I immediately felt at peace. I can’t explain it but all the emotions and nerves I had been feeling up to meeting her melted away.
So what was it? I know you must be wondering. She had the most inner calm. She was at total peace. How you must be wondering? Faith. She has strong faith that all this is meant to be. All I could think was, “I want to feel like you do.” She was like some angel that had come to my door. Instead of me imparting my wisdom, I suddenly wanted to interview her Barbara Wa Wa style (as Lance has often named me) and figure out how she has come to this peaceful place so quickly. I mean, I think Lance and I have worked hard to find that peace and we have obtained that feeling at times for sure but I still struggle intellectually sometimes about what faith means. So I wanted to know. She didn’t give me a straight answer because it isn’t something you can intellectualize. It’s just a feeling. She just said, “It’s in me. I know I will be okay whatever happens. The Holy Spirit is in me.” OMG. She was the messenger.
Before all this, the subject of religion made me uncomfortable. However, when something like this happens to you, you need something greater than yourself to believe in. In the beginning of our journey, I started asking every person I knew if they believed in God. I was amazed at the answers I got and who believed. It seemed like unanimously everyone had some sort of belief in God and rarely (or never actually) was it some man with a hairy face up in the sky. To some it was “God is in nature”, something bigger than themselves, to many it was something inside themselves. This was hard for me to grasp because of my experience with Sunday school when I was a child and how I was taught that God is separate from you (man up in the sky kind of guy). Thus the difference between spirituality and religion. So I continued to intellectualize all of this instead of just feel it.
Again as the universe makes no mistake, I hired a guitar teacher (yes, I am learning guitar! :)). The first day my teacher showed up at my house, my immediate impression was all wrong (without saying exactly what I thought), he is covered in tattoos, his license suspended from a DUI, has 3 kids and he’s young. Do you hear JUDGEMENT screaming from every pore of my body? I am ashamed the way I sized him up. But my impression changed quickly as soon as I started talking to him. Turns out he is this incredible musician, a very involved Dad and yes, also someone with a strong faith. I learned about that when I noticed his huge Jesus tattoo on his arm. Now Jesus is someone I can relate to. He was one cool dude and you can’t deny he was kinda hot. Barbara Wa Wa immediately surfaced and I had to inquire about it. Now every time we have a lesson, I have a ton of questions to ask him. And slowly I am learning what it all means. Getting my own interpretation of how to find that inner peace.
My big take away from all this and the message I want to convey is that whatever it is you do or do not believe, find something that is bigger than yourself NOW to fulfill yourself and give you peace. Maybe it’s meditation, maybe its the Universe, Buddha, Shiva, God, Allah, Jesus, maybe it’s nature or being at the top of a mountain or swimming in the middle of the ocean. If you work on it NOW and figure it out NOW you won’t have to do the crash course us Gentry’s had to do in case something life altering ever happens to you (and i sincerely hope it doesn’t). But even as we age, and life takes on challenges that are different from our youth, it will carry you through anything you may face in your life. Take it from the 24 year old. Who wouldn’t want to face such challenges with such an inner calm?
Love and Laughter,