I’ve been on a hiatus for several reasons…traveling and being with my kids but also feeling the need to unplug. However, I’M BACK (not as in everything is all hunky-dory but I am back to writing) and I have a lot to say in these upcoming months.
Yesterday marked two months since Lance passed. Anniversaries have taken on a whole new meaning. A little over a week ago would have been Lance and my 12th wedding anniversary. I thought we were going to make it to 50, yet we didn’t even make it to 12. That has been my saddest day to date.
I don’t know if I can comment on what grief is yet because I am not sure I even know…for a long time I was in fight or flight mode, then shock and disbelief (still in that phase sometimes) and when the emails and cards stopped coming…a feeling of loneliness, realizing that as time goes on for most, it stands still for me. It was a reminder that I am truly alone on this path, but even so I am continually surrounded by the love of my kids, friends and family and the watchful eyes and loving hearts of my community.
I often read this poem at night…when the day settles and the true loss of my man is felt. It gives me comfort and solace and reminds me that even though I may feel alone and Lance is not here physically, his spirit and soul will always remain.
Native American Prayer
I give you this one thought to keep –
I am with you still – I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awake in the morning’s hush
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone –
I am with you still – in each new dawn.